The River Wild

Sorry I've not posted anything for a while numerous devoted followers, but i've had a rough week,
check out this for a story: Last week I decided to take my wife and child on a holiday, and my wife is a bit of an extreme sports enthusiast, so I decided on a rafting trip.. nice one eh?
A couple of days in we were setting up camp for the night because it was starting to get a smidge dark, when out of nowhere Kevin Bacon and John C Reilly pull up ashore (I was gobsmacked being a film enthusiast). Being fans of both actors I asked them to join us for the night, which they did, and we had a great night playing Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon and drinking.
During the night, when everyone had gone to bed, I got up for a wee and couldnt help notice that Kevin (we were on first name basis at this point, we just clicked) had a pistol in his hand, and John had a bag full of money also in his hand.. this upset me a bit so I went over to have a word, as I got there I overheard them saying they intended to pay me for sex and threaten my wife with the firearm for a laugh, 'PRICKS' I thought.. So I ran up and kicked John C Reilly in the tits then turned to throw some fury at Kevin Beercan, but it was clear he had the drop on me so I dived into a bush under heavy fire then rolled into the river.. making a quick escape and abandoning my wife and child without a second thought.

By first light I'd bedded into the opposite hillside nicely and made myself a poncho from heather and stagnant moss. From my position I could see the camp entirely, Kevin and John were going berserk and kept trying to kick off with my child because he looked a bit like me, but they didnt seem to be quite a dare to go through with it. After an hour or so of daylight (and a snickers bar I found in my leg pocket) the actors got my wife and child into a raft and started to paddle down river, fortunately i'm fast, so I parralelled them on the hillside, slowly planning my revenge.
Eventually I managed to get about a mile ahead of them through sheer hill skill, so I fashioned a massive trap made from ferns and vines, which they didnt see coming because it was brilliant. The trap did it's job perfectly and flipped the raft over, almost drowning my wife and child, but it gave me enough of a chance to run down to the shore where Kevin and John were just coming ashore minus their weapon, so I kicked the bejesus out of them both, practically killing both Kevin's career and John's life.. it was insane.. almost unbelievable, right after it was all over, as those words were going past, I got up and went to the fridge and got a pepperami hot, and sat in disbelief for hours..
No actually shit, I'm wrong, all that, that I just said then, thats a film called The River Wild.. I don't know why I thought it happened to me, I don't have a wife or child.
I do have too much spare time, and a DVD player though.
Alright then I have no excuse for not posting for over a week.. just didn't.